posted on October 28, 2013 15:43
It’s been quite a while since I felt compelled to write or update this blog. I honestly doubted that I would continue it, because (pick your life metaphor), this year has been exceedingly difficult.
When you question whether or not you even want to write again, you know it’s bad, because writing, for me, seems as necessary as breathing. Read into that what you will, but I find that I’m ready and actually really aching to write again, to write daily and to write more. I think it’s just how I process my own life and that it’s going to be the only way for me to right the difficulties of my year is to write them.
Before I detail just why this has been such a challenging year, let me also say there have been absolutely wonderful things happening this year and I don’t discount them. I was fortunate enough to take a long dreamed of trip to the UK for two weeks this fall, and it was an incredible experience that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
The difficulties included:
- Moving twice within two months
- One of those moves resulting in the loss of several people I considered friends. Not fabulous when you’re living in a new place.
- A blister on my heal leading to massive staph infection in my foot. I’m very, very lucky that it didn’t spread and was treatable with massive doses of antibiotics.
- Wrapping up some very painful threads from my divorce (the good news is that there are no more threads, but it was extremely challenging and painful).
What I’ve listed above still doesn’t come close to detailing every little thing that has gone wrong this year. It was like life was saying, in a twisted announcer voice, “But wait, there’s more!”
Any one of those things above would have been enough to shake me to my core. When your sense of security and belonging have been rocked that hard, sometimes you just don’t know how to bounce back from that.
I know I certainly haven’t. For the first time in a long time I feel that I’m mostly stumbling and fumbling where before I felt that I was at least working towards my goals and dreams. I’m still working on those, but I found that I was working on them less and less as I feel like I’ve just been struggling to get through the day sometimes. Add to that the normal pressure and stress of the day job, and just dealing with the sheer amount of day to day stuff, and it all gets a bit overwhelming.
Clearly I’ve needed to just back to writing again, because even making the time to write this blog has helped and has given me a bit of motivation.
I just needed to take a page from Neil Gaiman and make good art, regardless.
Now here’s a beautiful picture of what I got to see for two weeks.